A Western Buddhist's Travels

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Archive for the tag “Parent”

Are your goals and ambitions leading to happiness?

Ask people what would make them happy, and depending on what the persons age is, and where  person lives you might get a different answer. Ask a child and they might say an ice cream on a hot summer day. The same child a few years later, playing in their first sports tournament, might say they want to win. Ask them when graduating from High School, and many might say a date for the prom. As a young adult with their post secondary degree, the answer would be a career that is challenging, and rewarding. When that person is getting into what they hope is a lifelong relationship, the list probably will have several goals, some of which will vanish when the first child arrives. A child has been born, and now some of the parents hopes and dreams are focused on the child, in many cultures it is what the child or even the grandchildren in that culture achieve that determines your success. Later in life, the goals may simply be to be free from the daily aches and pains, or they may include a bucket list that has to be filled.

As a Buddhist, when doing actions during the course of my day, I not only keep in mind my own aspirations, but also the benefit and welfare of others.  Rather than pray for something to happen, I have a firm and strong aspiration that a thing be accomplished. An initial wish, is reinforced with firm determination and a strong desire. Unlike a prayer or supplication, a wish has more the attributes we would find in meditation or contemplation. This causes the wish to become a desire, which permeates the mind, causing it to focus on accomplishing the goal.

Individually we can focus our minds to achieve happiness, but what about as a family, each person with their own desires? If the family has a common set of values to base their decisions on, then harmony is much easier to accomplish. It doesn’t matter if those core values are defined from following Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Sikhism, Buddhism, or any other path, as almost any of these have the same core values. The approaches are different, and we may not agree with the path another chooses, but we should respect their choice. As the Dalai Lama has stated:  “It is better to stick with the wisdom traditions of one’s own land than to run from them pursuing in exotica what was under your nose all the time.”

As we look a lager groups from the family, to our community, to our nation and finally our planet, happiness for all is more difficult to contemplate, and even more so to achieve. Yet, it is within the grasp of all of us, to achieve this ambitious goal. H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama, presented us with a way of looking at Buddhism, as consisting of three parts. In his view Buddhism can be divided into Buddhist science, Buddhist philosophy, and Buddhist religion. Of the three he says Buddhist religion is concern of Buddhists, while the science and philosophy portions can and should be shared with all. This with the view that wisdom can be found in all religions, as well as science, gives us a way of building on our common values and believes, while learning and adopting the best practices from other paths.

Look at the world today, and we see it becoming more fragmented. We see it defined as East and West, North and South, or first through third worlds. You have the generation gap, including Baby Boomers, Generation X, Generation Y to name a few. Yet unlike earlier times, we have larger houses, with smaller families, and fewer generations under the same roof becoming the norm. In the past the grandparents were a valued member of a household, helping with the running of the house, and acting as mentors to the children. Today in an ever increasing part of the world, the elderly are shuffled off to care homes, retirement villages, seniors lodges and other terms to describe the isolation from their offspring. Children are left with neighbors, and more commonly in day cares or after school care. Then we wonder why there is no continuity to the family.

Nations are preoccupied with the development of a larger Gross Domestic Product, or more commonly referred to as G.D.P. Companies move production and services to other jurisdictions within the same country or to another country to take advantage of lower wages, less government regulation, laxer environmental standards, all in the name of maintaining or preferably increasing the return to it’s shareholders. For a look at the role consumers play in this dance, check out my  29 April 2103 post. Sometimes companies use legal methods to lower their taxes, by locating an office in a jurisdiction with a lower tax rate, as recently confirmed in a Canadian court ruling. Alberta loses battle for 120 million in corporate taxes. It is more common to use off shore offices to carry this out.

Yet there are hopeful signs, like a star in the night sky. I will leave you with the words of a person who I have written about as someone I admire, David Suzuki and a post from the organization he helped found: Tiny Bhutan redefines progress.

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That’s the way it should be

That’s the way it should be, how often do we use these words throughout our lives?

A parent loses a child, and you will hear That’s not the way it should be. As parents we expect our children to outlive us, and when it doesn’t happen we are devastated. We may have plans for our children, we want them to grow up to be doctor’s engineers or lawyers and such. They will choose something they think suits them, but we want the best for them, because that’s the way it should be.

When we find that person, who are mind, body and heart says: this is the one, the one I can say to my parents my friends, this is the one. You get married, and expect to live together through sickness, health, hard times and good times. We expect this, because that’s the way it should be.

At work, the company has an important contract, and everyone pitches in. Those who excel and help make the company a success are rewarded with promotions, stock options, and recognition, because that’s the way it should be.

There are many other times we use those words, they all share something in common with the three examples I just mentioned. We assume that D follows C, as surely as C followed B which followed A. We expect things to go in a certain direction, or to stay on a path the way we see it. This is one way we cause unnecessary suffering for ourselves. Instead of living in the present, we forget the lessons life has taught us, and we expect the future to be perfect. Perfect according to how we envision the future. When we do this we don’t foresee, the car accident, the co-worker who takes credit for others work, or the insecurities of the person we choose as a partner, leading them to leave for someone they see as better.

In even smaller ways, we do the same things. I started to exercise last week with a goal of running a 5km or 10km marathon. I expect that I’ll do it. Yet I might have an undiagnosed condition, or I might trip, or slip and fall, breaking or twisting a leg. Bad weather could cancel the race, or I might have a family emergency come up. How many of us, have recently got a new client, or more responsibility at work? The last time you got a new client, or added responsibility at work, what were your thoughts, about the extra work required, or about the potential reward that this offered? It’s natural to think, about what is in it for us, because that’s the way it should be according to modern society.

Your at that fancy restaurant, everyone is talking about. You order and to your disappointment, the meal doesn’t wow, you. Perhaps the chef was sick that day, and his replacement didn’t have the same skills. When we go to a highly recommended restaurant we expect a good meal, because that’s the way it should be.

“One day at a time—this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.”  Ida Scott Taylor

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” The Buddha

The past has already happened, and we don’t have the ability to take back what we have said, done or left unsaid or undone, and that’s the way it should be.

The future is good for making conceptual plans, for dreams to give our aspirations a vision we can strive for, and that’s the way it should be.

The past and the future are concepts in our minds, they only exist as thought. The only time we have is the present, and that’s the way it should be.

What are you doing with your present time, are you making the most of it, because that’s the way it should be.

If you are at home with your children and spouse, are you giving them all of your attention, living in the moment with them, because that’s the way it should be.

If your out having the adventure of a lifetime, are you stopping to enjoy the time, or are you rushing to the next great adventure? Enjoy those breath taking moments, breathe that mountain air, or the fragrance of that rare orchid, because that’s the way it should be.

Live in the moment, because that’s the way it should be.

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