A Western Buddhist's Travels

Sightseeing & detours on the path of enlightenment

Sharing the load

The duties of both husband and wife described the last two days need to be shared, what applies to one also applies to the other. With both working outside the home, the wise husband will pitch in, by asking what he can do to help with the daily duties. Cooking a meal for the family is not going to lower your standing, rather it show that you are lucky enough to have a wife of character, and are willing to work with her. By working together, the children will see this as normal, and as they grow will expect a relationship of equality when they reach that stage of their life. When women are equal inside the home as well as in the fields of work, then will all sentient beings benefit. There is an old saying that says in the first year of marriage the husband listens to his wife, in the second the wife listens to him, and from the third year on, the neighbors listen to both husband and wife as they argue. I was blessed in that my parents never raised their voices to each other. I am not saying they did not disagree rather; they kept things from getting too far from calm and respectful. Dad always differed to mom when it came to household decisions, saying he respected her capabilities enough to want her as his mate in life; the least he could do was accept and respect her decisions. My dad used to tell me not to upset mom. Or she would upset him, which meant he would have to make me upset. He always called this the circle of domestic tranquility. I did not really understand this till much later in life, as dad was following Buddha’s advice for a happy marriage. The one thing they both did was always communicate between themselves, and with me in an open, caring and supportive manner.


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