A Western Buddhist's Travels

Sightseeing & detours on the path of enlightenment

A new romantic relationship?

At some point in our life, most of us will have a romantic relationship, that ends. Before starting a new relationship, we need to look through the old. To see what caused the problem, what needs to be kept, and what needs to be discarded. A common saying today, is you need to leave your baggage behind. Look back at the relationship, why did it develop, was it based on looks? Perhaps we wanted the physical aspect before the relationship was mature enough. Did we have long talks, and reveal who we really are inside? Was there an issue that could have been resolved, such as distance. Did we truly concentrate on the relationship, or was it one of many we juggled, and finally had to drop one, or lose all of them? Did we forgive any wrongs by the other party, or did we hold their actions against them, even after they apologized and changed? Surely there were good things about the relationship, what were they? Did the person consider us as important? Perhaps the word of love were spoken, did the person stand beside us in our troubles, also did we let them stand beside us? Now we have met a new person, and need to know who they are. If we find we are comparing them constantly to an old love, then perhaps that love is not over in our heart and mind. We need to be able to look at someone and not compare them to others, as it is not a contest to get the shiniest prize. Going from one relationship to another, will result in us being stuck on a treadmill, the faster we try to go the faster we stay in the same place. Only when your heart and mind have healed, can we begin again. To settle for someone new, because we see them as the best we can hope for, or because we don’t want to be alone, is not a healthy relationship. If you still have feelings for a past love, talk to them, be a friend, perhaps they too still have similar feelings. Perhaps we met the right person, but the time was wrong. It does not matter who left and who was left. If a karmic connection was made, and someone was hurt by another’s actions or by deceit, then in the future the offending party may receive the same. Only when we are truly capable of giving love, are we ready to receive a love that accepts us as who we are, does not worry about our past, and is not worried about what the future may bring. To have a love that accepts us as we are, looks at us as an equal, wants to be the one we can depend on, loves us even when we are at our worst, see us in their mind and heart throughout their days, this is a person who truly can love us. Before we meet that person, we need to discard our baggage, be ready with brand new luggage, clean and empty, ready to accumulate the memories, feeling, and yes even some pain on a journey that will last as long as both are still alive. To be loved without any conditions, is a very rare gift, are we ready to receive it? If we had it, and lost it will we swallow our pride, and repair it, if the other person is willing of course, for if they have found another then we need to allow them to be happy. The Buddha taught us that everything is impermanent, that does not mean we need to hurry the process, for 30 to 50 years is still a lot of days, just not an eternity. If you are in a relationship, most of this applies as well, are you taking your partner for granted, or are you thinking of them with love, telling them you love them and showing it to them everyday? Are you giving your love without conditions or giving it as a reward when the person does what you want?


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