A Western Buddhist's Travels

Sightseeing & detours on the path of enlightenment

Disagree but don’t insult

During a marriage it is to be expected, that discord and disagreements will happen. It is how a couple deals with these that will determine the overall happiness and longevity of the union. By approaching a problem with calmness, patience, understanding, sympathy and tolerance the flames of anger will not be fed. When you can remain calm you have a chance to calm the other party. Patience in accepting, that a proper resolution requires change, which requires some time to become permanent. We need to understand that even though we may be overall correct, that some part of our actions or speech contributed to the disagreement. Neither is 100% right nor 100% wrong. Sympathy in looking at why the issue developed, and is it something that can be quickly dropped. Tolerance in accepting that our partner in marriage is doing the best they can as we are doing. There is an old Chinese proverb; about a married couple. The wife everyday belittled her husband by calling him stupid. He tolerated this for a long time, then one day he replied, I have come to think, you might be right. After all only a stupid man would have married you. The wife never uttered the derogatory word towards her husband again.


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