A Western Buddhist's Travels

Sightseeing & detours on the path of enlightenment

Some advice for husbands

According to Buddha, a husband should give the following to his wife.  Honesty, tenderness, companionship, courtesy, faithfulness, loyalty, is social at home and outside the home, security and moral support. Honesty is the basis that forms the foundation. This does not mean bluntness. If she asks if the outfit she is wearing makes her look fat, saying no the amount you eat does, is not a way of respecting her and accepting her. Saying that you prefer her in another outfit, but she still looks beautiful to you is a better response. Age will rob all of us of our youthful figure; give us grey hairs, wrinkles. A true love will have evolved beyond that initial physical attraction. Tenderness in your actions towards her: seeing her about to lift a heavy object, then offering to do it for her, holding the door open for her, and other acts of chivalry or kindness. Companionship is not just being in the same place, it is listening to her attentively, holding her close, willingly accompanying her to functions at her work, with her family or even shopping. Courtesy in speech and actions: not criticizing her in public, remembering to say please and thank you when you ask something of her, rather than saying do this or do that. Faithfulness not just in action but also in thought. Thinking of another while being with your wife is unfaithful, as Buddha has taught that as we think so shall we become. Loyalty is defending her name and honour, remembering you married her, so two became one. Being social at home and outside the home: this means allowing her friends and relatives to be part of her life. You are to be an addition to her life not cause a subtraction. Moral support, while she is disciplining the children agree with her, do not undermine her. When she has had a bad day at the office, just listen and remember she is a capable individual, she does not need you to fix everything for her, rather just share in the shouldering of the trials and tribulations.

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